This Crazy Thing Called (Chaste) Love
Being engaged is one of the most amazing stages of life, but it's also one of the most exasperating! You've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you love them with everything you are....well, almost. There's this little "issue" with practicing chastity. Couples who aren't married yet choose to not share their bodies.
This isn't restricted just to engaged couples, either! Jordan and I definitely felt the frustration during our dating period, as well. We have discerned that God wants us to marry each other, so we're moving toward the sacrament. Jordan and I are constantly learning new things about each other, which strengthens and deepens the love we share. The closer we get in a nonphysical way, the more our bodies want to catch up.
The human body is a complex network on multiple planes, and everything is connected. Our minds and souls are connected to our bodies, although the two former aspects of a person are considered immaterial. This is why relationships, especially intimate ones such as that between spouses, are so intricate. They resonate on every level of a human being's self. I know that this can get pretty dense, so let me break it down a little bit!
Love is amazing. It's stellar. Stupendous! Life changing!! Finding the one person God has called you to share yourself with in every way is probably the most indescribable experience anyone can have. What puts the brakes on the euphoria, or so it seems, is the fact that our Creator doesn't want us jumping into things right away. And by things, I mean physical intimacy. That's right. Sex.
Bummer.
That's not sarcastic at all! I mean it. Jordan and I are normal people who have this major desire to share our bodies with each other. We kiss. We hug. We snuggle when we watch movies. We hold hands pretty much every chance we get. In fact, we've found that physical touch is a love language we both have. This fact makes purity very hard. There's nothing wrong with having a desire for intimacy with your significant other. Physical attraction is actually an important part of romantic relationships. Our bodies have a desire for intimacy. There is a very good reason for this!
Our souls desire intimacy, too.
See, when humans were created God gave everyone a body, a mind, and a soul. In my studying of medicine, it is very easy to see that He created the human body such that everything is connected. What the science books don't tell you is that your soul is part of the human network, too. Our souls desire intimacy with our Creator. That's what we long for. St. Augustine summed up that desire by saying "our hearts are restless until they rest in You." That eternal intimacy is what we all long for, whether we realize it or not. God gave us an incredible gift when He have us sex. It's a precursor to eternal union with Him.
That probably sounds rather strange. Soooo does that mean Heaven is constant physical intimacy with God? No. That's weird. What we have to remember is that sex is not simply a physical act. That's what the world will have you think. Rather, sex is a complete giving of yourself to another person. It requires complete vulnerability and involves all aspects of one's self. Not just the body. Obviously our bodies are a major component of the act itself, but marital intimacy in its true form strengthens the bond between a husband and wife right down to their souls becoming more woven together with God at the center.
The only people who can experience sexual intimacy in all its glory are a man and a woman who are married to each other. To do this, they must allow God to be at the center of their relationship. Because marriage is a Sacrament of the Church, spouses receive graces from God to strengthen them and to increase in holiness. He knew that marriage would be the greatest bond that humans could ever experience, and also the most difficult. Where does sex fit into this?
I've heard it said that sex should be seen as the icing on the cake rather than the main focus. As much as Hollywood tries to tell us otherwise, the majority of our life will not be spent having sex. It's really important, sure; how else will the human population keep from going extinct? But a relationship like marriage is far more about the companionship and doing life together serving God. That's the point. Serving God and getting each other (and your kids) to Heaven. When you are discerning whether or not to marry someone, sex should not be part of your date nights. Courtship is about deciding if this person is the one you want to wake up next to every day, the one whose socks and underwear you want to wash, the one you will want to care for you when you're sick or sad, the one who you want to sit next to in the car and the pew in church. And yes, you also have to decide if this person is the one you want to parent the children you have together.
Sex isn't supposed to have the worry of unwanted pregnancy, STDs, or getting left in the morning associated with it. That only happens when it's taken out of context. Sex is meant to be a freely given showing of love with nothing held back. No judgement, no worry, no nagging thoughts of giving yourself to someone who won't appreciate you. Marriage is a covenant to someone who promises to love every part of you, for better or worse, in all aspects, forever and always. The only person who can promise that to you is your spouse. Your boyfriend/girlfriend can't, your fiancé(e) can't, and that person you just met at the party last night definitely can't. Only a spouse has the grace of God helping them to fulfill their promise of love to you.
This is why it's so important to save physical intimacy for marriage and for the person who will completely appreciate and love you with no bounds. When we enter the sacrament of marriage, God gives us immense freedom to love in a way that we never knew possible, to invest ourselves in another, and fully trust that His plan was best all along.
This isn't restricted just to engaged couples, either! Jordan and I definitely felt the frustration during our dating period, as well. We have discerned that God wants us to marry each other, so we're moving toward the sacrament. Jordan and I are constantly learning new things about each other, which strengthens and deepens the love we share. The closer we get in a nonphysical way, the more our bodies want to catch up.
The human body is a complex network on multiple planes, and everything is connected. Our minds and souls are connected to our bodies, although the two former aspects of a person are considered immaterial. This is why relationships, especially intimate ones such as that between spouses, are so intricate. They resonate on every level of a human being's self. I know that this can get pretty dense, so let me break it down a little bit!
Love is amazing. It's stellar. Stupendous! Life changing!! Finding the one person God has called you to share yourself with in every way is probably the most indescribable experience anyone can have. What puts the brakes on the euphoria, or so it seems, is the fact that our Creator doesn't want us jumping into things right away. And by things, I mean physical intimacy. That's right. Sex.
Bummer.
That's not sarcastic at all! I mean it. Jordan and I are normal people who have this major desire to share our bodies with each other. We kiss. We hug. We snuggle when we watch movies. We hold hands pretty much every chance we get. In fact, we've found that physical touch is a love language we both have. This fact makes purity very hard. There's nothing wrong with having a desire for intimacy with your significant other. Physical attraction is actually an important part of romantic relationships. Our bodies have a desire for intimacy. There is a very good reason for this!
Our souls desire intimacy, too.
See, when humans were created God gave everyone a body, a mind, and a soul. In my studying of medicine, it is very easy to see that He created the human body such that everything is connected. What the science books don't tell you is that your soul is part of the human network, too. Our souls desire intimacy with our Creator. That's what we long for. St. Augustine summed up that desire by saying "our hearts are restless until they rest in You." That eternal intimacy is what we all long for, whether we realize it or not. God gave us an incredible gift when He have us sex. It's a precursor to eternal union with Him.
That probably sounds rather strange. Soooo does that mean Heaven is constant physical intimacy with God? No. That's weird. What we have to remember is that sex is not simply a physical act. That's what the world will have you think. Rather, sex is a complete giving of yourself to another person. It requires complete vulnerability and involves all aspects of one's self. Not just the body. Obviously our bodies are a major component of the act itself, but marital intimacy in its true form strengthens the bond between a husband and wife right down to their souls becoming more woven together with God at the center.
The only people who can experience sexual intimacy in all its glory are a man and a woman who are married to each other. To do this, they must allow God to be at the center of their relationship. Because marriage is a Sacrament of the Church, spouses receive graces from God to strengthen them and to increase in holiness. He knew that marriage would be the greatest bond that humans could ever experience, and also the most difficult. Where does sex fit into this?
I've heard it said that sex should be seen as the icing on the cake rather than the main focus. As much as Hollywood tries to tell us otherwise, the majority of our life will not be spent having sex. It's really important, sure; how else will the human population keep from going extinct? But a relationship like marriage is far more about the companionship and doing life together serving God. That's the point. Serving God and getting each other (and your kids) to Heaven. When you are discerning whether or not to marry someone, sex should not be part of your date nights. Courtship is about deciding if this person is the one you want to wake up next to every day, the one whose socks and underwear you want to wash, the one you will want to care for you when you're sick or sad, the one who you want to sit next to in the car and the pew in church. And yes, you also have to decide if this person is the one you want to parent the children you have together.
Sex isn't supposed to have the worry of unwanted pregnancy, STDs, or getting left in the morning associated with it. That only happens when it's taken out of context. Sex is meant to be a freely given showing of love with nothing held back. No judgement, no worry, no nagging thoughts of giving yourself to someone who won't appreciate you. Marriage is a covenant to someone who promises to love every part of you, for better or worse, in all aspects, forever and always. The only person who can promise that to you is your spouse. Your boyfriend/girlfriend can't, your fiancé(e) can't, and that person you just met at the party last night definitely can't. Only a spouse has the grace of God helping them to fulfill their promise of love to you.
This is why it's so important to save physical intimacy for marriage and for the person who will completely appreciate and love you with no bounds. When we enter the sacrament of marriage, God gives us immense freedom to love in a way that we never knew possible, to invest ourselves in another, and fully trust that His plan was best all along.
Beautifully written, Mikaela!
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