Christ, Coffee, and Cornfields

  If I have learned about trust from anyone, it's from my dad. He is a full time farmer, full time mechanic, and full time husband and father. Overarching all of these is the rock solid faith he has in the Lord, no matter how hopeless things may seem. I remember years of looking out on scorched fields, and others like this one where they're mostly underwater, wondering how anyone could think it would all turn out okay. But my dad's trust in God has never wavered. Even with farming prices in the toilet for the past 10 years, I've never once seen him express worry of any sort.   He knows that God has it all under control, even when we don't. Especially when we don't.   The life of a farmer is tough. You can do everything right preparing for an animal to give birth, but the mama might still die. The planting season may go great, and you might quietly think that this is the year for a bumper crop, but in August a hail storm comes along and wipes out all of your ...

"It'll happen." That is currently by far my most despised saying (followed closely by "get wrecked," but that's a story for another day). I can't tell you how many people have told Jordan and me that. Now, I know that everyone who says it to us means well, but when you're experiencing infertility it isn't something that brings much comfort. Not for me. I'm not writing this to hurt anybody's feelings or to lash out at anyone who has offered consolation to us, at least I don't think so. I don't know, it's really difficult to describe my feelings. One minute I'll be ready to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep, another I'll rationalize myself into being okay with not being pregnant, and the next I'll be so confused and upset that my prayer up to God becomes more of a shouting match which gets drowned out by the continual questions in my mind. Why us? Why is my body so confusing? Why can't I get a grip? Wi...

  Want to know a secret? I struggle with confidence. A lot. Blame it on the stresses of nursing school or deep seeded trust issues or just a general feeling of not being good enough, but being confident in myself and my abilities is a real problem for me. I have this facade of confidence most of the time because overall I'm a positive person....except when it comes to me.   I've been mulling over this issue for awhile, especially now that essentially all I have left in nursing school is my preceptor hours and two days of class with as many tests. Basically, the only way I can not pass nursing school is if I kill someone, break HIPAA, not adhere to rules I've been following all year, or bomb these two tests. From what I understand, it's really really hard to fail this last little chunk of nursing school. But what do I do? Start to majorly worry that I won't pass those tests and all my work will be for nothing and I won't be able to graduate and my life will be ...

  Life is a fascinating thing. I think what makes it so is the unpredictability, the moments and times that throw us for a loop or catch us off guard. It's especially interesting to reflect on times of trial. My life over the last few months has certainly been tumultuous. Lots of things have been going on and taking place that haven't been very good. However, as I'm sitting in this difficult period and thinking and praying about it all, I have noticed two key things.   1) The good things in life are made better when they come during times of struggle. Think about this: do we appreciate the beauty of a single flower more when it's in a blooming garden or when it's surrounded by weeds and thorns? A single rose is far more alluring when it is the only one on a thorn bush than when it's in a bouquet.   The program I'm in required that I take a class which I wasn't very happy about taking. It met 8 hours a week and easily had another 5 in outside work to...

As followers of Christ, one of the most difficult things we are called to do is to follow Him when the world is pulling us away from Him. As I have gotten older, Satan has been trying even harder to tear me away from my Savior and Lord. It is a constant struggle, one that I fail to overcome on my own. I am currently battling it out with the Devil, even as I write this. He has been trying his darndest to get me to fall. He has been trying to get me to sink to the level of the world, when I am striving for the standard that the Lord has for me and all who follow Him. This battle will not be won by me. It will be won-- no, it has ALREADY BEEN won-- by Jesus! I am so very weak, but in 2nd Corinthians 12:9, the Lord says that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Isn't that a beautiful promise?! The best part is that when God tells us something, He means it. He will always follow through. God makes His path for us known in His timing...

  Soooooo when I started brainstorming about what to write for this post I was in the middle of a pretty rotten day and my post was essentially going to be a pity party for me. I was super tired, got up late, felt like nothing was quite right all day and finally tonight I was at a gathering of friends where I was not feeling accepted at all. It was sort of the last straw, and I was like, "God, what's the deal here? Why are these people not liking me when I've tried so hard for so long to be accepted by them?" It was rough. On my way home, I realized something that in the back of my mind I knew was the problem.   I didn't give God my life through prayer today.   Recently, I created a solid prayer life and my world has drastically changed since then. Whenever I don't pray, my whole day is off and I feel like everybody is against me. That's what the deal was today. I hadn't really prayed hard core the last couple days, just meal prayers and bedtime pr...