Christ, Coffee, and Cornfields

   It's been a hot minute since I've written anything....becoming a parent warps your sense of time, I tell ya what! These past few months have been nothing short of magical, though. Being a mom is something I've wanted and prayed for for basically my entire life, and so far it has exceeded my expectations. It helps that our daughter is basically a perfect baby and Jordan is the best husband and dad ever, but still. I know that many women have a difficult time being new moms, and I do not take my experience for granted in the slightest. This is basically going to be a quick rundown of what I've gone through since I last wrote, so snuggle in and enjoy!   First of all, the last month or so of my pregnancy was very uncomfortable. My nausea/vomiting resurrected itself (I don't want Chinese food for a veeeerrrryyyy long time now) and I felt like an elephant. I also had constant Braxton Hicks, which was fine except I was basically psyching myself out every few days, think...

  This is probably going to be my most vulnerable piece yet, so hang on to your hats....   I'm really good at acting like I have it all together. When people ask me how life is going, I almost never say how I'm actually feeling. Usually, I say life is crazy but it's all good, when in reality I'm a complete disaster. I actually started going to counseling because I just couldn't handle the weight of everything anymore. Nearly every day I contemplate running away....Jordan usually has to get me out of bed in the mornings because I don't have the drive to do it myself....I don't always eat or bathe or even get up to go to the bathroom when I should because I feel so sad and alone and dead. My heart has been so restless. I don't want to be home or at work or anywhere else. I can't read anymore. I can barely sit through a movie. I don't remember how it feels to be my normal self.   The past couple days have really brought things to a head. We got ...

  I know it's not New Year's yet, but I've been reflecting quite a bit over 2016 lately. Sometimes I think people get a little OD'd on all of the posts that come around January 1, and occasionally all of the resolution and reflection can get overwhelming. With finals week upon me, learning to split holidays between my family and Jordan's, wedding planning, the election ruckus that keeps coming up on my news feed, and the tragedy that just struck Sioux Falls fresh in my head, my mind has been racing in all sorts of directions.   You know, worry and depression are best friends. I swear they go together better than peanut butter and jelly. It's an unfortunate thing that negatives come in pairs, and Satan loves to unleash them together, especially around the holidays. His other favorites are tragedy and despair, along with failure and unforgiveness (especially of one's self). Sometimes the devil's pets travel in packs, seeking to prey on the vulnerable. On...