21st Century Modesty
I've had the topic of modesty on my heart for a long time now. It's an ideal that was instilled in me by my parents, and as I've grown up it's something I have taken ownership of in my life. Modesty is a threefold concept, consisting of modesty in mind, action, and body. However, for the sake of this post I would like to focus on the physical aspect of modesty, in part because it would be a very long post if I didn't and second because I believe that if you are modest in how you dress, it becomes natural to be modest in mind and action. Modesty in mind and action is what most of us know as the quality of humility.
As I've discerned writing on this topic, it has been really hard for me to get going on it. I would always get writer's block and give up after a few sentences, not really sure why because I love talking about modesty! Last night I figured it out; I intended to write it in lecture form. LOL. That isn't the point of my blog, and it certainly wouldn't be an interesting read. So, my intent is to look at the topic of modesty through my eyes as a Catholic woman in the 21st century.
Okay, let's start with the definition of modesty in order to get on the same page here. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, modesty is "propriety in dress, speech, or conduct." I want to focus on the dress part, because that is where most people struggle and have misconceptions. It's easy to think that those on opposite ends of the spectrum look at each other with disdain, that those who are adamant about modesty turn their noses at those who don't, and people who don't think twice about necklines or the tightness of their bottoms consider the rest prudes. Unfortunately, there are cases where that is true, but overall I think there is simply a general lack of dialogue, which leads to misunderstanding. Personally, I rarely get asked about my clothing choices unless the topic is already in conversation. There's a lot of assumption, which is really hard sometimes because I want to shout from the rooftops the reason I think modesty is so important. Modesty is all about respect!
How does the way a woman dresses convey respect? There are 2 audiences, the reason being that men and women are affected differently by the way women clothe themselves. I'll start with the men first.
Men are visual creatures. This is a pretty well known fact. I mean, God brought Eve to Adam; he looked at Eve and knew. "This one at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." He didn't deduce that from her voice, but from her body! After the fall of humanity, woman's body was still good and beautiful, but also became a source of temptation for man. However, this does not mean that the desire men have for women in the visual, physical way is bad. In fact, it is very good because God made men to desire that! It means women have a responsibility to help them keep that desire holy. It is out of respect for every man that women clothe themselves modestly. It also makes it easier for men to give respect to a woman because his attention will be more focused on her instead of both her and trying to keep his mind and thoughts pure. Modest dress directs attention to the whole woman rather than the body parts she is made of.
Women across the board struggle with body image, self respect, and confidence. Personal style is one way to boost those things. The world has taught us that attention from men (cat calls, butt slaps, whistles...) are forms of attention we should crave; it's positive attention that will boost confidence and self-respect. But it won't. The only man you should accept that form of attention from is the one God has called you to marry, and even then only if it's respectfully done. Humans are meant to be respected. When we dress in a way that draws attention to our body and not us as a person, it is not only disrespectful to the men around us but also to the women! Whether we realize it or not, immodest dress conveys a message to the world that women are only worth their bodies. Our intelligence and humor don't matter. The way we love and serve others doesn't matter. This is never our intent. Rather, it is a consequence of the action to dress in a way that draws attention away from where it should be. Dressing immodestly or provocatively conveys a message that women as a whole are not worth respecting, that we're only worth our looks. Modesty, on the other hand, shows respect and self-worth.
I will be the first to tell you that dressing modestly can be really hard sometimes. Not only are clothes hard to find, but they also tend to be more expensive. When I was looking for bridesmaid dresses (I won't even get started on looking for my wedding dress!), typing the word "modest" in the search box brought up some very unattractive gown choices that I was not going to subject my bridesmaids to. I had to do some digging to find dresses that were both stylish and modest, but once I uncovered them, they were there in abundance! In the eyes of the world, modesty has a negative connotation. Satan loves to push the myth that modesty means tasteless and shapeless, when in fact it is quite the opposite! Modest dressing opens up a whole world of style that is really fun to work with, breaks the mold of secular style, and allows for women to cultivate their own unique way to dress. Besides, modesty is what will really knock a guy's socks off.
As a Catholic woman, I have chosen to create a wardrobe that honors God, my body, and the men and women in my life. If one of those aspects are missing, it isn't worth wearing. I want to honor God by respecting and honoring the body He gave me. I also want to respect both men and women in how I dress. I do not want men to look at me in a disrespectful or lustful way, especially if they have a woman they love in their life. It isn't fair to anyone involved. Similarly, I don't want Jordan or my brothers or my male friends to be subjected to the temptation to look at women lustfully. By removing immodest attire from our closets, we also remove an enormous amount of possible temptation from the world! What an amazing act of love that is.
As I've discerned writing on this topic, it has been really hard for me to get going on it. I would always get writer's block and give up after a few sentences, not really sure why because I love talking about modesty! Last night I figured it out; I intended to write it in lecture form. LOL. That isn't the point of my blog, and it certainly wouldn't be an interesting read. So, my intent is to look at the topic of modesty through my eyes as a Catholic woman in the 21st century.
Okay, let's start with the definition of modesty in order to get on the same page here. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, modesty is "propriety in dress, speech, or conduct." I want to focus on the dress part, because that is where most people struggle and have misconceptions. It's easy to think that those on opposite ends of the spectrum look at each other with disdain, that those who are adamant about modesty turn their noses at those who don't, and people who don't think twice about necklines or the tightness of their bottoms consider the rest prudes. Unfortunately, there are cases where that is true, but overall I think there is simply a general lack of dialogue, which leads to misunderstanding. Personally, I rarely get asked about my clothing choices unless the topic is already in conversation. There's a lot of assumption, which is really hard sometimes because I want to shout from the rooftops the reason I think modesty is so important. Modesty is all about respect!
How does the way a woman dresses convey respect? There are 2 audiences, the reason being that men and women are affected differently by the way women clothe themselves. I'll start with the men first.
Men are visual creatures. This is a pretty well known fact. I mean, God brought Eve to Adam; he looked at Eve and knew. "This one at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." He didn't deduce that from her voice, but from her body! After the fall of humanity, woman's body was still good and beautiful, but also became a source of temptation for man. However, this does not mean that the desire men have for women in the visual, physical way is bad. In fact, it is very good because God made men to desire that! It means women have a responsibility to help them keep that desire holy. It is out of respect for every man that women clothe themselves modestly. It also makes it easier for men to give respect to a woman because his attention will be more focused on her instead of both her and trying to keep his mind and thoughts pure. Modest dress directs attention to the whole woman rather than the body parts she is made of.
Women across the board struggle with body image, self respect, and confidence. Personal style is one way to boost those things. The world has taught us that attention from men (cat calls, butt slaps, whistles...) are forms of attention we should crave; it's positive attention that will boost confidence and self-respect. But it won't. The only man you should accept that form of attention from is the one God has called you to marry, and even then only if it's respectfully done. Humans are meant to be respected. When we dress in a way that draws attention to our body and not us as a person, it is not only disrespectful to the men around us but also to the women! Whether we realize it or not, immodest dress conveys a message to the world that women are only worth their bodies. Our intelligence and humor don't matter. The way we love and serve others doesn't matter. This is never our intent. Rather, it is a consequence of the action to dress in a way that draws attention away from where it should be. Dressing immodestly or provocatively conveys a message that women as a whole are not worth respecting, that we're only worth our looks. Modesty, on the other hand, shows respect and self-worth.
I will be the first to tell you that dressing modestly can be really hard sometimes. Not only are clothes hard to find, but they also tend to be more expensive. When I was looking for bridesmaid dresses (I won't even get started on looking for my wedding dress!), typing the word "modest" in the search box brought up some very unattractive gown choices that I was not going to subject my bridesmaids to. I had to do some digging to find dresses that were both stylish and modest, but once I uncovered them, they were there in abundance! In the eyes of the world, modesty has a negative connotation. Satan loves to push the myth that modesty means tasteless and shapeless, when in fact it is quite the opposite! Modest dressing opens up a whole world of style that is really fun to work with, breaks the mold of secular style, and allows for women to cultivate their own unique way to dress. Besides, modesty is what will really knock a guy's socks off.
As a Catholic woman, I have chosen to create a wardrobe that honors God, my body, and the men and women in my life. If one of those aspects are missing, it isn't worth wearing. I want to honor God by respecting and honoring the body He gave me. I also want to respect both men and women in how I dress. I do not want men to look at me in a disrespectful or lustful way, especially if they have a woman they love in their life. It isn't fair to anyone involved. Similarly, I don't want Jordan or my brothers or my male friends to be subjected to the temptation to look at women lustfully. By removing immodest attire from our closets, we also remove an enormous amount of possible temptation from the world! What an amazing act of love that is.
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