Rest in the Stillness

 God definitely knew what He was doing when he blessed us with Baby 3 being born in October. It's given us the gift of a new baby throughout Advent and Christmas. It has really forced me to slow down during a time when everything around me is loud and busy.

 Nowadays, Americans seem to think that women bounce back a few weeks after giving birth and are up to their normal speed of life shortly thereafter. For most women I know, myself included, that is not the case. Not only is my body still not back to pre-pregnancy caliber, I'm taking care of a young baby along with two other children. And it's the holiday season. I. Am. Tired.

 To be fair, I have substantially more energy and movement potential than I did while pregnant. In that regard, I want to be able to do more. And I do. On the other hand, I'm in the throes of postpartum brain fog, so my ability to focus has been less than stellar. One point where I have been able to put focus on, however, is being still. 

 Now, that seems a bit contradictory to what I just said. I am doing more and am more busy than I was 6 months ago. At least physically. It's more an interior disposition toward stillness, peace, and joy. Having a new baby is in and of itself a busy time, what with the diapers, feeding, bathing, burping, rocking, etc, but it is also a time that forces me to sit down and be in the moment throughout the day. I have plenty of opportunities to quiet my heart and ponder the gift of motherhood, and to hear the voice of the Lord. This is especially well timed because the stillness is what Advent is all about!

 My counselor pointed out that there really isn't much physical stillness in the life of a mom, but it's the internal stillness that I should be working on. In a cool God moment, at the end of my most recent session with her, I noticed that her mug that day had the words "be still and know." Neither of us had realized that until after we'd talked about that topic. 

  Looking back at this Advent and Christmas, it is clear that stillness was necessary for both me and my family. I greatly reduced the amount of podcast episodes I consumed, and really only listened to music while in the vehicle. I didn't put up all of my decorations at once, but took them out slowly, giving me time to actually enjoy each piece that I did choose to set up. We chose specific outings to engage in, and I leaned into writing down to do lists on paper. All of these things freed up my mind to be more still, and to be more present to my children and my husband. Ultimately, being present to them allowed me to see and rest in God more freely, too.

  With our new daughter, I have found myself pondering a little extra what it must have been like to be Mary. To stare at the face of the Christ child while feeding Him. Having to flee a murderous king so early into motherhood. Wondering how and why she and Joseph could possibly be blessed so great a gift as that of parenthood. To bask in the absolute Love that is God.

  And so, in all of the stillness I can acquire in my heart, I ponder. And I thank the Lord that He has blessed a sinner like me with infinitely more than I am worthy of.