C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E
Want to know a secret? I struggle with confidence. A lot. Blame it on the stresses of nursing school or deep seeded trust issues or just a general feeling of not being good enough, but being confident in myself and my abilities is a real problem for me. I have this facade of confidence most of the time because overall I'm a positive person....except when it comes to me.
I've been mulling over this issue for awhile, especially now that essentially all I have left in nursing school is my preceptor hours and two days of class with as many tests. Basically, the only way I can not pass nursing school is if I kill someone, break HIPAA, not adhere to rules I've been following all year, or bomb these two tests. From what I understand, it's really really hard to fail this last little chunk of nursing school. But what do I do? Start to majorly worry that I won't pass those tests and all my work will be for nothing and I won't be able to graduate and my life will be ruined and on and on and on.
It makes for a rough time trying to sleep, let me tell ya.
I am also frequently having nightmares about the wedding, in addition to worrying about my place as a wife-to-be. I am just not confident in my ability to be a good person sometimes. How can I trust myself enough to have a career saving people's lives, let alone create a bunch of new humans and keep them and their dad alive??
The other night I was laying in bed, worrying and fighting off the demons that were trying to shoot holes in my confidence bubble. I have really been trying to pray more about this situation and ask the Lord to help me get through it. It was then that I realized something I wish I'd come to sooner.
I'm not going to create confidence within myself. I cannot sustain it. I simply cannot.
But I can be infinitely confident in the Lord, and He will sustain me.
Jeremiah 17:7 says "...blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." That spoke straight to my heart. God blesses those who choose to place their confidence in Him and not themselves. Our Father will always give us the confidence we need in our times of trouble. What a comforting promise to us.
Another message from a Bible verse that has been getting me through this year is 1 John 5:14. It says "[t]his is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." I know deep down to the depths of my being that my calling is to be a nurse and a wife. This year, I have been working toward both of those things. I've actually been excelling at nursing school, getting high Bs for the most part and even some As, and being engaged and loving Jordan is the most amazing thing in the world. He's still here after being engaged for a year. So really, I have no reason at all to be worried about failing school or not getting married. God brought me (in some really obvious ways) to these things, so I will succeed. It is that simple. I am confident in His will and His plan for me. I know this is what His plan is. Therefore, with God's help I will become a nurse and a wife in December.
I can't rely on my own confidence because I am a human being who struggles with worrying and trusting. God doesn't struggle with that, though. In fact, He has perfect confidence and gives us perfect confidence. That is such a gift! If we find our confidence in the Lord, whose ways are perfect, we never have to worry again. Confidently follow God and He will get you through anything.
I've been mulling over this issue for awhile, especially now that essentially all I have left in nursing school is my preceptor hours and two days of class with as many tests. Basically, the only way I can not pass nursing school is if I kill someone, break HIPAA, not adhere to rules I've been following all year, or bomb these two tests. From what I understand, it's really really hard to fail this last little chunk of nursing school. But what do I do? Start to majorly worry that I won't pass those tests and all my work will be for nothing and I won't be able to graduate and my life will be ruined and on and on and on.
It makes for a rough time trying to sleep, let me tell ya.
I am also frequently having nightmares about the wedding, in addition to worrying about my place as a wife-to-be. I am just not confident in my ability to be a good person sometimes. How can I trust myself enough to have a career saving people's lives, let alone create a bunch of new humans and keep them and their dad alive??
The other night I was laying in bed, worrying and fighting off the demons that were trying to shoot holes in my confidence bubble. I have really been trying to pray more about this situation and ask the Lord to help me get through it. It was then that I realized something I wish I'd come to sooner.
I'm not going to create confidence within myself. I cannot sustain it. I simply cannot.
But I can be infinitely confident in the Lord, and He will sustain me.
Jeremiah 17:7 says "...blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." That spoke straight to my heart. God blesses those who choose to place their confidence in Him and not themselves. Our Father will always give us the confidence we need in our times of trouble. What a comforting promise to us.
Another message from a Bible verse that has been getting me through this year is 1 John 5:14. It says "[t]his is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." I know deep down to the depths of my being that my calling is to be a nurse and a wife. This year, I have been working toward both of those things. I've actually been excelling at nursing school, getting high Bs for the most part and even some As, and being engaged and loving Jordan is the most amazing thing in the world. He's still here after being engaged for a year. So really, I have no reason at all to be worried about failing school or not getting married. God brought me (in some really obvious ways) to these things, so I will succeed. It is that simple. I am confident in His will and His plan for me. I know this is what His plan is. Therefore, with God's help I will become a nurse and a wife in December.
I can't rely on my own confidence because I am a human being who struggles with worrying and trusting. God doesn't struggle with that, though. In fact, He has perfect confidence and gives us perfect confidence. That is such a gift! If we find our confidence in the Lord, whose ways are perfect, we never have to worry again. Confidently follow God and He will get you through anything.
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