An Honest Look
It is really rare that I have the opportunity to actually write my thoughts down as soon as they pop into my head. It's after one in the morning and I don't feel like sleeping, so God decided to use that as incentive to write! My revelation is actually quite hard for me to come to grips with because I have to realize all of my failings and how sinful I am. Here goes...
College sucks. I'm just gonna throw that out there right now. It is definitely not my thing, insofar as belonging there. I don't feel God's presence, which is ironic since the Catholic Church created the university system. I will admit some good has come from it (like going to Daily Mass twice a week at the Cathedral!) but for the most part, it's a hell hole. I've been feeling rather depressed and at odds with God and my mom lately, none of which are holy. So what am I still in school for? Good question....Anyway, I'm getting off track.
I used to be a super smiley happy person who was rarely cynical or mean spirited. Unfortunately, my face seems to have forgotten to turn up most of the time and I realized (when my parents called me out on it) that I have been pretty judgemental lately. Not to mention I am always complaining about school and how stupid people are nowadays. Woah. I really needed a wake up call! Of course, God gave it to me through my parents. It's never easy to be told you're different or you aren't as this or that as someone else, but that's what happened to me! It is exactly what I needed, too.
I'm the kind of person who seeks to live a good moral life and to help others to do the same. A person very close to me has not been and I want to call her out on it but I was reminded by someone else of a bible verse. Matthew 7:3-5, as follows: "Why do you observe the splinter in your brother's eye and never notice the great log in your own? And how dare you say to your brother, "Let me take that splinter out of your eye," when, look, there is a great log in your own? Hypocrite! Take the log out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother's eye."
Ouch!
How in the world am I supposed to judge anyone or figure out the rest of my life if I still have to take a hard look at myself and go to God to have Him fix me up?!?! I realized tonight that I need to ask Him to show me my flaws and to ask for healing and guidance. If we're being honest, I thought quite a bit of myself, and maybe (okay, probably) thought of myself as better than others when in reality I am not. I am a sinner just like the rest of the human race. I have my own vices and addictions that need to be dealt with. Obviously I'm in no position to judge or condemn anyone. Not only that, but I can't focus on the future when that same future depends on the life I live now! That means that before I do anything else, I need to go to God and have Him show me my flaws and imperfections and allow Him to lead and heal me.
That's all :) This isn't as professional as the other posts I write, this one was more raw thoughts put into words.
College sucks. I'm just gonna throw that out there right now. It is definitely not my thing, insofar as belonging there. I don't feel God's presence, which is ironic since the Catholic Church created the university system. I will admit some good has come from it (like going to Daily Mass twice a week at the Cathedral!) but for the most part, it's a hell hole. I've been feeling rather depressed and at odds with God and my mom lately, none of which are holy. So what am I still in school for? Good question....Anyway, I'm getting off track.
I used to be a super smiley happy person who was rarely cynical or mean spirited. Unfortunately, my face seems to have forgotten to turn up most of the time and I realized (when my parents called me out on it) that I have been pretty judgemental lately. Not to mention I am always complaining about school and how stupid people are nowadays. Woah. I really needed a wake up call! Of course, God gave it to me through my parents. It's never easy to be told you're different or you aren't as this or that as someone else, but that's what happened to me! It is exactly what I needed, too.
I'm the kind of person who seeks to live a good moral life and to help others to do the same. A person very close to me has not been and I want to call her out on it but I was reminded by someone else of a bible verse. Matthew 7:3-5, as follows: "Why do you observe the splinter in your brother's eye and never notice the great log in your own? And how dare you say to your brother, "Let me take that splinter out of your eye," when, look, there is a great log in your own? Hypocrite! Take the log out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother's eye."
Ouch!
How in the world am I supposed to judge anyone or figure out the rest of my life if I still have to take a hard look at myself and go to God to have Him fix me up?!?! I realized tonight that I need to ask Him to show me my flaws and to ask for healing and guidance. If we're being honest, I thought quite a bit of myself, and maybe (okay, probably) thought of myself as better than others when in reality I am not. I am a sinner just like the rest of the human race. I have my own vices and addictions that need to be dealt with. Obviously I'm in no position to judge or condemn anyone. Not only that, but I can't focus on the future when that same future depends on the life I live now! That means that before I do anything else, I need to go to God and have Him show me my flaws and imperfections and allow Him to lead and heal me.
That's all :) This isn't as professional as the other posts I write, this one was more raw thoughts put into words.
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