If Only Facebook Had a Courting Button
I really get a kick out of looking at Facebook's relationship status options. There's the typical "single," "married," and "divorced," but then you also have "in a domestic partnership," "in an open relationship," and even an "it's complicated" option! Oh, the joys of having lots of choices. It seems like Facebook has all the bases covered....well, except for the one I'm looking for.
I want an "in a courtship" option.
Am I sounding medieval yet? Hold on, let me explain. In the fast paced world we are so fortunate to be living in (and we are, I love indoor plumbing and electricity!!), the process of finding a lifelong mate, AKA a spouse, has become quite the challenge. The way most people go about it is not the way God calls us to. Marriage is a sacrament, and therefore should be approached with the reverence and care that it deserves. It's not a decision to be taken lightly because this decision is for life. Actually, because the goal of a marriage is to get your spouse to Heaven, this choice is for all eternity and God holds you accountable for it. So yeah, it's a pretty big decision. This is why my boyfriend and I have chosen to court rather than date.
I am a huge fan of the Duggar family (you know, 19 Kids and Counting?), and they recently have had multiple daughters enter into courtships and marriages. I really didn't have a good grasp on that whole idea at first, but the more I looked into it and observed their relationships play out, the more I desired that for myself and whoever God placed in my life to pursue marriage with. What's really interesting is that courting has kept popping up in my path, from blog posts to magazine articles to Jordan bringing it up to me! He didn't really understand the concept, but found it intriguing. So I explained it to him and he thought it was really awesome. In fact, that's what we're doing! We are courting each other.
Now, you might be a little confused at the moment.
--Are we dating or aren't we? (see the rest of the post)
--Am I still his girlfriend or am I something else? (I'm his girlfriend)
--Do we still go on dates? (heck yeah)
--Can I wear shorts around him or do I have to cover myself from my chin to my ankles? (I dress tastefully and modestly)
--Can we still text??? (oh yes) ;)
Courting is one of those things that has been around for a long time, but has changed in the way it's been practiced depending on the culture and time period. It is actually still practiced heavily in certain cultures, but you can look up those details for yourself if you're curious. The sort of courting we're practicing is modernized and personalized. It's one that lines up with what we believe God wants for us, and that we are both comfortable with. It's a little different in minor ways from the Duggars, but the idea is still the same. Basically, courting is pursuing a pure, godly relationship with the motivation being discerning if you are going to marry the person you are in the relationship with. It isn't casual, it's intentional. It's following God's voice and desires rather than our own. Sometimes you hear the phrase "dating with a purpose." That's essentially what courting is. In addition to having a strong motivation behind the relationship (marriage), courting also has stricter guidelines for the couple. Jordan and I are accountable to God and our families, as well as each other. It's easy to let the lines bend a little bit if the only person you have to hold you accountable is your significant other. But in a courtship, lots of people help you to stay strong in your conviction to remain pure and holy.
Courting also changes the dynamic of how a couple spends time together. The Duggars follow the more traditional idea of not letting the couple be alone together, so they always have chaperoned dates. They also have stricter physical boundaries (side hugs only, waiting to hold hands till engagement, etc.), which is super awesome. If a couple feels called to that, then by all means go for it! Jordan and I are not that strict, but we decided on our boundaries together with God, and feel very comfortable about where we drew the line. Our dates are not chaperoned, but we do spend a majority of our time together with our families or in public settings, which is part of being held accountable. It's also important to see how your bf/gf interacts with your family and friends because humans are social creatures, and marriage plays an intricate role in your community of people. You become part of each other's families, as well as part of each other's friend groups, at least to a degree.
Courting focuses a lot more on getting to know each other on a deeper level than casual/modern dating does. We want to know what we're getting into when we promise each other all of our tomorrows. Instead of focusing on what sorts of food and drink your boyfriend likes (which is important, too), courting forces you to look at other things that aren't only skin deep. Does he spend money wisely? What is the driving force behind his faith life? What are his goals for the future? How does he interact with his siblings, or my siblings for that matter? Does he respect those in authority? These kinds of questions are answered and proved through action, not by spewing information over a $100 dinner.
Courting is deep, it's hard, and it's a lot of self-control. But it's good practice for the commitment of marriage. Just because you are courting someone does not automatically mean you will marry them, but I do think that because it is taken more seriously than simply dating, you will know earlier on in the relationship whether or not you will marry that person. This is a huge blessing because it helps to prevent an unhealthy relationship and/or spending too much time with the wrong person. And of course on the flip side, it helps you to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with the One, and you can get going on your forever together. It's a win-win.
To sum up, courting sounds old fashioned, and maybe it is. But looking at statistics, people in the olden days stayed together. They got it. I want a marriage that will last a lifetime, and I want everyone who is called to the beautiful vocation of marriage to have that, too. I think it's about time we brought courting back. Facebook needs a courting button.
I want an "in a courtship" option.
Am I sounding medieval yet? Hold on, let me explain. In the fast paced world we are so fortunate to be living in (and we are, I love indoor plumbing and electricity!!), the process of finding a lifelong mate, AKA a spouse, has become quite the challenge. The way most people go about it is not the way God calls us to. Marriage is a sacrament, and therefore should be approached with the reverence and care that it deserves. It's not a decision to be taken lightly because this decision is for life. Actually, because the goal of a marriage is to get your spouse to Heaven, this choice is for all eternity and God holds you accountable for it. So yeah, it's a pretty big decision. This is why my boyfriend and I have chosen to court rather than date.
I am a huge fan of the Duggar family (you know, 19 Kids and Counting?), and they recently have had multiple daughters enter into courtships and marriages. I really didn't have a good grasp on that whole idea at first, but the more I looked into it and observed their relationships play out, the more I desired that for myself and whoever God placed in my life to pursue marriage with. What's really interesting is that courting has kept popping up in my path, from blog posts to magazine articles to Jordan bringing it up to me! He didn't really understand the concept, but found it intriguing. So I explained it to him and he thought it was really awesome. In fact, that's what we're doing! We are courting each other.
Now, you might be a little confused at the moment.
--Are we dating or aren't we? (see the rest of the post)
--Am I still his girlfriend or am I something else? (I'm his girlfriend)
--Do we still go on dates? (heck yeah)
--Can I wear shorts around him or do I have to cover myself from my chin to my ankles? (I dress tastefully and modestly)
--Can we still text??? (oh yes) ;)
Courting is one of those things that has been around for a long time, but has changed in the way it's been practiced depending on the culture and time period. It is actually still practiced heavily in certain cultures, but you can look up those details for yourself if you're curious. The sort of courting we're practicing is modernized and personalized. It's one that lines up with what we believe God wants for us, and that we are both comfortable with. It's a little different in minor ways from the Duggars, but the idea is still the same. Basically, courting is pursuing a pure, godly relationship with the motivation being discerning if you are going to marry the person you are in the relationship with. It isn't casual, it's intentional. It's following God's voice and desires rather than our own. Sometimes you hear the phrase "dating with a purpose." That's essentially what courting is. In addition to having a strong motivation behind the relationship (marriage), courting also has stricter guidelines for the couple. Jordan and I are accountable to God and our families, as well as each other. It's easy to let the lines bend a little bit if the only person you have to hold you accountable is your significant other. But in a courtship, lots of people help you to stay strong in your conviction to remain pure and holy.
Courting also changes the dynamic of how a couple spends time together. The Duggars follow the more traditional idea of not letting the couple be alone together, so they always have chaperoned dates. They also have stricter physical boundaries (side hugs only, waiting to hold hands till engagement, etc.), which is super awesome. If a couple feels called to that, then by all means go for it! Jordan and I are not that strict, but we decided on our boundaries together with God, and feel very comfortable about where we drew the line. Our dates are not chaperoned, but we do spend a majority of our time together with our families or in public settings, which is part of being held accountable. It's also important to see how your bf/gf interacts with your family and friends because humans are social creatures, and marriage plays an intricate role in your community of people. You become part of each other's families, as well as part of each other's friend groups, at least to a degree.
Courting focuses a lot more on getting to know each other on a deeper level than casual/modern dating does. We want to know what we're getting into when we promise each other all of our tomorrows. Instead of focusing on what sorts of food and drink your boyfriend likes (which is important, too), courting forces you to look at other things that aren't only skin deep. Does he spend money wisely? What is the driving force behind his faith life? What are his goals for the future? How does he interact with his siblings, or my siblings for that matter? Does he respect those in authority? These kinds of questions are answered and proved through action, not by spewing information over a $100 dinner.
Courting is deep, it's hard, and it's a lot of self-control. But it's good practice for the commitment of marriage. Just because you are courting someone does not automatically mean you will marry them, but I do think that because it is taken more seriously than simply dating, you will know earlier on in the relationship whether or not you will marry that person. This is a huge blessing because it helps to prevent an unhealthy relationship and/or spending too much time with the wrong person. And of course on the flip side, it helps you to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with the One, and you can get going on your forever together. It's a win-win.
To sum up, courting sounds old fashioned, and maybe it is. But looking at statistics, people in the olden days stayed together. They got it. I want a marriage that will last a lifetime, and I want everyone who is called to the beautiful vocation of marriage to have that, too. I think it's about time we brought courting back. Facebook needs a courting button.
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