Honeymoon Phase
Somehow, Jordan and I have already reached our 6th month of marriage. What a wonderful 6 months it has been! I haven't written a post in a while because we've been so busy and, to be honest, I wasn't sure what to write about. But now with this milestone upon us, I feel that I can credibly speak into what marriage is like.
Being a rather young married couple, we're definitely in the minority both among our peers as well as fellow wedded adults. We have different priorities compared to our unmarried friends, but many veteran couples see us as rookies and that we don't have a whole lot to contribute to married person conversations. Ah, well. That's okay. We'll stay in our little "honeymoon phase" cocoon forever and be blissfully unaware of the challenges of married life. Oh wait....
Actually, we've already dealt with many challenges both big and small. All of the things we've gone through have grown us as people and especially as a couple. Many people may get pulled out of the honeymoon phase with everything going on, but for us it has only grown our bond. Here are some of the things we've experienced over the last half year and what we learned from it all:
1. We bought a fixer-upper home and have been renovating it with lots of help from our incredible friends and family. If anything is a marriage tester, it's redoing a house. We have seen each other in some of the most hysterical body contortions while painting and repairing, helped each other through successes and failures as we learned to be independent handymen, eaten pizza while sitting on a 2x3 foot rug because we had no furniture, contemplated setting the place on fire out of frustration, relished in the victory of making our house livable, and so much more. There were times we didn't communicate well or didn't see eye to eye about one thing or another. Ultimately though we knew the house is ours, not yours and mine, just like our marriage. We win together and lose together. We make decisions and habits together. It is us against the world, and we are partners for life. Our challenges make for great memories, and they help solidify our decision to love and honor each other for better or for worse, all the days of our lives.
2. We've been on lots of adventures. One of the blessings of being newly married with stable jobs and no children is the flexibility to do things on a whim. We can make a quick trip to Minneapolis or to a sibling's concert without hesitation. It has been challenging to fairly spend time with each other's families, but we are able to make it work since they all live within 20 minutes of us. I've noticed that making a quick trip to the store with Jordan is just as exciting to me as when we travel to a faraway destination. We'll be in the car and I'll get a thrill in my heart. This is our life. We are married and best friends. Even the most seemingly mundane tasks are wonderful because God brought us together as husband and wife and we can do it all together.
3. Babies don't come from storks. Jordan and I are struggling with infertility. This has been very challenging for us, as we both want a houseful of children. I have some health issues that are currently being treated and will hopefully allow us to conceive relatively soon, but all of the negative pregnancy tests, frustrating cycles, and false alarm disappointments have really taken a toll on me. Jordan has been my rock through it all, though. When I step out of the bathroom upset because I caved in and took a test, he just holds me, tells me he loves me, and reminds me that God is in control. It has been a challenging exercise in surrender to the Lord. Our marriage and our future belong to Him and He is with us through it all. I've finally been able to let it go and enjoy that stage we are in now because, like everything else, it won't last forever.
4. Honeymoon phases don't end for everybody. Lots of people tell us we're still in that lovey-dovey time of our marriage and it won't be like that forever. But why not? My parents have been married for a quarter century and still act like newlyweds. We've decided that being married itself is a honeymoon phase all the way through. We are choosing to be that way. Being affectionate and patient with each other are choices. Choosing to sneak a kiss is a choice. Making love with each other on a regular basis is a choice. Getting a glass of water for Jordan before he asks for one is a choice. Loving each other in the little ways and the big ways is all it takes to stay in the honeymoon phase forever.
Is marriage what I thought it would be? Yes and no. I will say that it exceeds all of my expectations, but not exactly in the way I thought it would. I know I was created to be Jordan's wife and serve the Lord with him. I guess the main piece of advice I would give to people is that your marriage is yours and your spouse's. Nobody else. Have good couples friends and mentors, but never compare your marriage to any other. It is yours! Protect and nurture it with everything you have. Rely on God. rely on each other. Marriage is worth it all.
Actually, we've already dealt with many challenges both big and small. All of the things we've gone through have grown us as people and especially as a couple. Many people may get pulled out of the honeymoon phase with everything going on, but for us it has only grown our bond. Here are some of the things we've experienced over the last half year and what we learned from it all:
1. We bought a fixer-upper home and have been renovating it with lots of help from our incredible friends and family. If anything is a marriage tester, it's redoing a house. We have seen each other in some of the most hysterical body contortions while painting and repairing, helped each other through successes and failures as we learned to be independent handymen, eaten pizza while sitting on a 2x3 foot rug because we had no furniture, contemplated setting the place on fire out of frustration, relished in the victory of making our house livable, and so much more. There were times we didn't communicate well or didn't see eye to eye about one thing or another. Ultimately though we knew the house is ours, not yours and mine, just like our marriage. We win together and lose together. We make decisions and habits together. It is us against the world, and we are partners for life. Our challenges make for great memories, and they help solidify our decision to love and honor each other for better or for worse, all the days of our lives.
2. We've been on lots of adventures. One of the blessings of being newly married with stable jobs and no children is the flexibility to do things on a whim. We can make a quick trip to Minneapolis or to a sibling's concert without hesitation. It has been challenging to fairly spend time with each other's families, but we are able to make it work since they all live within 20 minutes of us. I've noticed that making a quick trip to the store with Jordan is just as exciting to me as when we travel to a faraway destination. We'll be in the car and I'll get a thrill in my heart. This is our life. We are married and best friends. Even the most seemingly mundane tasks are wonderful because God brought us together as husband and wife and we can do it all together.
3. Babies don't come from storks. Jordan and I are struggling with infertility. This has been very challenging for us, as we both want a houseful of children. I have some health issues that are currently being treated and will hopefully allow us to conceive relatively soon, but all of the negative pregnancy tests, frustrating cycles, and false alarm disappointments have really taken a toll on me. Jordan has been my rock through it all, though. When I step out of the bathroom upset because I caved in and took a test, he just holds me, tells me he loves me, and reminds me that God is in control. It has been a challenging exercise in surrender to the Lord. Our marriage and our future belong to Him and He is with us through it all. I've finally been able to let it go and enjoy that stage we are in now because, like everything else, it won't last forever.
4. Honeymoon phases don't end for everybody. Lots of people tell us we're still in that lovey-dovey time of our marriage and it won't be like that forever. But why not? My parents have been married for a quarter century and still act like newlyweds. We've decided that being married itself is a honeymoon phase all the way through. We are choosing to be that way. Being affectionate and patient with each other are choices. Choosing to sneak a kiss is a choice. Making love with each other on a regular basis is a choice. Getting a glass of water for Jordan before he asks for one is a choice. Loving each other in the little ways and the big ways is all it takes to stay in the honeymoon phase forever.
Is marriage what I thought it would be? Yes and no. I will say that it exceeds all of my expectations, but not exactly in the way I thought it would. I know I was created to be Jordan's wife and serve the Lord with him. I guess the main piece of advice I would give to people is that your marriage is yours and your spouse's. Nobody else. Have good couples friends and mentors, but never compare your marriage to any other. It is yours! Protect and nurture it with everything you have. Rely on God. rely on each other. Marriage is worth it all.
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