Christ, Coffee, and Cornfields

  It's been two weeks since my hash-out with God. Two weeks. The stark contrast in my life is absolutely incredible. Sure, I still struggle with things, but it's way more manageable now. My mom even said that I visibly look different; it's like I'm glowing. A recharge in faith has that effect on a person.   I know that if you've never experienced a Saul to Paul moment, it may be difficult to comprehend what I mean by all of this talk about being changed. So....I have an analogy! We serve a God who also wants to be our best friend. Now, this concept has always been a little difficult for me to grasp because God is not quantifiable the way humans are. But I keep on trying at this relationship, anyway.  Everyone has had a miscommunication at some point with somebody you love, whether it's your best friend, spouse, coworker, child, or sibling. I know I have. It's such a crummy feeling. Like you want to say something but don't know what to say or how to say...

  I have this problem with modern feminism. Well, specifically secular, modern feminism. It has such a narrow view of life, and it's actually a very selfish view. Let me back up a bit by saying that I consider myself to have feminist viewpoints in that  I believe women are all valuable and unique and should be treated with respect at all times. I am not in favor of the potty mouth, man shaming, vagina hat wearing, gender nonconforming movement that masquerades as feminism.   Before you stop reading because you're upset at me, ask yourself something. Look into your heart for a moment. Allow yourself to be brought back to the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to you. Remember how you felt? See how you've carried those scars all this time?   Would you want to inflict that sort of pain on anyone else?   Any sane person would of course never want to do that to someone else after walking though it themselves, whatever the experience was. Unless you'r...

  I was just taking a shower, and it felt like a lightening bolt hit me. God hit me that hard. If you read my previous piece, you'll know that I recently had a personal encounter with Him. Since then, I've felt something different in my life. Something has been brewing. A thought. A realization. An awakening. And I finally got it!!!   I've been looking at my vocation wrong.   For my entire life, I've only ever wanted to be a wife and a mother. To me, those things were inseparable. I think that's why I've been taking this infertility thing so hard. I have been feeling like such a failure as a woman and as a wife. I felt like the cars my dad works on that keep coming back with one more thing wrong with them. Since Wednesday, though, I have been looking at circumstances in a different light. This week is National Marriage Week. It ends on St. Valentine's Day. These things got my gears turning...what if God has been trying to tell me that marriage isn't ...

  This is probably going to be my most vulnerable piece yet, so hang on to your hats....   I'm really good at acting like I have it all together. When people ask me how life is going, I almost never say how I'm actually feeling. Usually, I say life is crazy but it's all good, when in reality I'm a complete disaster. I actually started going to counseling because I just couldn't handle the weight of everything anymore. Nearly every day I contemplate running away....Jordan usually has to get me out of bed in the mornings because I don't have the drive to do it myself....I don't always eat or bathe or even get up to go to the bathroom when I should because I feel so sad and alone and dead. My heart has been so restless. I don't want to be home or at work or anywhere else. I can't read anymore. I can barely sit through a movie. I don't remember how it feels to be my normal self.   The past couple days have really brought things to a head. We got ...