Snuggles, Sex, and Stretch Marks

   It's been a hot minute since I've written anything....becoming a parent warps your sense of time, I tell ya what! These past few months have been nothing short of magical, though. Being a mom is something I've wanted and prayed for for basically my entire life, and so far it has exceeded my expectations. It helps that our daughter is basically a perfect baby and Jordan is the best husband and dad ever, but still. I know that many women have a difficult time being new moms, and I do not take my experience for granted in the slightest. This is basically going to be a quick rundown of what I've gone through since I last wrote, so snuggle in and enjoy!

  First of all, the last month or so of my pregnancy was very uncomfortable. My nausea/vomiting resurrected itself (I don't want Chinese food for a veeeerrrryyyy long time now) and I felt like an elephant. I also had constant Braxton Hicks, which was fine except I was basically psyching myself out every few days, thinking I was in labor. My body has a really hard time keeping a good level of progesterone, so I was taking supplementation up until 36 weeks.

  The day before Mel was born, I had my weekly appointment with my midwife, where I was told my uterus wasn't measuring where it should be, so we needed an urgent ultrasound. Turns out that stripping my membranes, along with a chiropractic adjustment and acupressure would help me go into labor that night, but we went to the ultrasound the next morning anyway because I wasn't progressing enough to be admitted to the L & D floor. The ultrasound showed that Mel had outgrown her placenta and needed to be born right away, so over to the hospital we went to have our baby! I was given Pitocin (which was quite unpleasant), and our beautiful daughter was born that afternoon, exactly 1 week before her due date. It was the most incredible experience of my life, to deliver our child that we prayed and hoped for, who I had grown, that Jordan and I created. 

  Mel has been such a good eater from the beginning. I know that breastfeeding can be terribly difficult for many mommas, but it has come very easily to me. In fact, I actually really enjoy it. My supply is steady, and she has never had trouble with latching. I look at it as a special time between us, where my body is working the way it was always intended and I am bonding with my child in a way that is unique to us. Plus, I'm giving her natural immunity boosters that will help her throughout her life. She is such a pleasant baby. She rarely fusses or cries, and has recently found her voice which is quite entertaining. She makes it so easy to be a mom. Our transition into parenthood has been pretty smooth. Honestly, we aren't totally sure what we did with ourselves before we had her. Yes, it does make our morning and night routines a little more complex, and running to the store isn't quite as quick of a trip, but we don't mind. She enchants everyone who sees her, and we love to show her off. We soak up every moment of time we have with her, and our times with just our little family are just so precious.

 

 I was worried that I wouldn't have the immediate connection to her when I held her for the first time, and/or battle PPD since I struggle with anxiety and depression already. So far, that hasn't been the case. My heart almost burst in those moments she first entered the outside world, when we were able to finally hold her and drink up the sight of her beautifully formed person. It's one of those times that will forever be cherished in my memory. 

  One thing that I'm sure every mom struggles with is body image. I bounce back and forth between being proud and in awe of my body, relishing in the fact that I accomplished the very thing I was made to do, and fighting sadness that I'll never go back to the way I used to look. I have stretch marks that make me look like a tiger and lingering belly fat that I try and fail to hide. My hair is falling out so much that I have to have it tied back almost 24/7. And let me tell you, baby brain is very real. It's a constant battle to embrace who I am now, but I have such unwavering support from my husband. As silly as it sounds, it really helps when I'm down about myself for Jordan to remind me that I literally birthed a person, and also that my body won't magically go back to pre baby in a third of the time it took to make her. He also makes it a point to tell me that I look nice, especially when I summon the effort to put makeup on or wear pants.

  Forgive the TMI, but postpartum sex is a journey all its own. The 6 week mandatory abstinence to help with recovering after delivery was quite difficult, firstly because there are so many hormones and emotions that come with having a baby and seeing your spouse become a parent. There were soooo many times we just wanted to have sex during that period and couldn't. It was a really good exercise of patience and expression of intimacy in other ways. Now that we're back at it, things have changed. My body is still getting back to normal, which sometimes makes being intimate painful. There's also another person in the house, so we really have to think about the logistics of sex more than before. Wait, we actually have to be quiet?? Hold on, I have to to feed the baby first! Quick, she's content in her swing; I'll meet you in the bedroom! Now, sex includes embracing our new life roles and appearances. We wouldn't have it any other way. Not to mention, we don't know how easy getting pregnant again is going to be. Right now we aren't sure if my fertility has some back yet, but we will joyfully accept another child whenever God decides to bless us with one.

  One of the best things about becoming parents is seeing our families love our daughter. She is the first grandchild on both sides, so let's just say she gets plenty of attention! Our parents love their new roles as grandparents, and it has deepened our relationships with them now that we've entered the parenthood scene. Our siblings dote on her; there is always a set of arms to place her in whenever they're around! We are so blessed.

  Becoming a mom has been such a wonderful journey, and is definitely worth the wait. I think our time of infertility made it so that we appreciate having our daughter more keenly than the average parents, although there is no way to measure the amount of love any parent has for their child. I've never been happier or more at peace, and I truly feel that I'm finally living the life that God planned for me all along. I'm firstly His daughter, and then a wife and mother. We have built a life we love, surrounded by those we love, with occupations and hobbies that we love. God is so good to us!