Christ, Coffee, and Cornfields

  Jordan and I just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. In some ways it feels like we've been married forever because of all we have walked through together, and in other ways it feels like we've only been married a short while because it has just been so wonderful! We are finally expecting our first child, so that has been a big milestone this year. Jordan left the business of paid ministry, which has also been quite a change for both of us. It had been years where either of us was not in active church ministry, but that doesn't mean God is finished with us. Not even close.   Today has been one of those days where Jordan and I have been apart by choice. In that regard, I just mean it hasn't really been due to prior commitments like work or appointments. Things have just come up where we are not together. In a perfect world, we'd be able to do everything together. But we aren't in a perfect world, and that's okay. It has given me a lot of time to sl

  Not gonna lie, my faith life has been pretty stagnant lately. It's probably due to a lot of things, but mostly I've just been lazy and not prioritizing correctly. Unsurprisingly, it feels like my life has been a huge crap show over the last month or so. It hasn't really, but I have felt totally out of control...almost as though I'm drowning and can't seem to get up for enough air. I've felt trapped.   There are so many ways to describe what Jesus has done for us and what being a Christian defines us as. These analogies and descriptions can be more impactful depending on the person hearing them and what is going on in their life. Lately, the idea of "rescue" and being "set free" have been speaking to me. The whole idea of capture and rescue and bondage and freedom have become somewhat romanticized in culture. For example, so often in shows, books, and movies, a woman may get kidnapped or trapped in some way and the man comes to her rescue

  Let's start with a true story:   Once upon a time, a young girl was told by her parents that she should start to pray for her future husband. They told her that if she was called to marriage, it was important that she start praying for him now because Satan hates marriage. And so, for many years the girl prayed. She prayed that her future husband would follow the Lord, that he would pursue holiness, and that their marriage would be strong and centered on God. During that time, she also started to write letters to him. She didn't know whether or not he even existed, but those letters were an act of faith that God had someone He was preparing for her. Through all of the schoolgirl crushes, loneliness, and failed relationships, she prayed.   And then, one day, he came along. She continued to pray all through their courtship. Now, though, she had a face to the man she'd had on her heart for so long. Soon, they were happily married.  The girl, now a woman, still prays

  Let me preface this piece by saying that I do not in any way, shape, or form condone the shootings that have recently taken place. There is no reason that anyone should kill a bunch of innocent people in a Walmart or a concert or a popular spot downtown or anywhere. None of that is okay. Killing or raping or stealing from people is not okay. Do you know what else isn't okay, though? Blaming the wrong thing. Scapegoating. Pushing an agenda.   But that is exactly what's happening. There is so much "his fault her fault, guns are bad, white supremacy, leaders do nothing" going on that very few people are seeing the situation for what it actually is. Yes, past decisions affect what will happen in the future. That's how it is with everything. Certain politicians don't respond to things like this in the most gracious fashion. Twitter sucks. Many people jump into conversations armed only with emotions, not facts. Families and friendships can fall apart because o

  My husband and I have been practicing NFP/cycle tracking/noncontraception within our marriage for over a year and a half now. It's crazy that we've been married for that long! Many of you know that I began tracking my cycle in high school, so it has been part of my life for the better half of a decade. It gives me a different perspective than many wives who only started because it was advertised as a pregnancy regulator, when in reality it is so much more.   In honor of NFP Awareness Week, I'm doing a piece with input from Jordan based on typical questions and ones that people have asked us. Side note: NFP, charting, and tracking are going to be used interchangeably in this article. A generalized definition is: documenting a woman's menstrual cycle using biological markers for the purpose of gynecological health, avoiding/achieving pregnancy, and contributing to the overall wellbeing of the woman and of a marriage by fostering an atmosphere of openness, communicat

  We've all heard the saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." And most of us have learned by now that, most often, that's not the case. I think females are especially prone to this type of hurt because we are such deep feelers. This is a beautiful aspect of feminine nature, but it can make us particularly vulnerable not only to pain but to sin, as well.   Growing up, the friends I trusted the most were male. I gravitated toward them because there seemed to be significantly less drama in that arena compared to groups of girls my age. But we all need true friends of our same gender, so I also hung around girls. However, I really want to draw attention to the fact that it is extremely important to have same sex friends that we can share our hearts with, because women can never really understand the life of a man, and vice versa. Jordan knows me better than anyone, but he doesn't understand what challenges and joys arise from wom

  If I have learned about trust from anyone, it's from my dad. He is a full time farmer, full time mechanic, and full time husband and father. Overarching all of these is the rock solid faith he has in the Lord, no matter how hopeless things may seem. I remember years of looking out on scorched fields, and others like this one where they're mostly underwater, wondering how anyone could think it would all turn out okay. But my dad's trust in God has never wavered. Even with farming prices in the toilet for the past 10 years, I've never once seen him express worry of any sort.   He knows that God has it all under control, even when we don't. Especially when we don't.   The life of a farmer is tough. You can do everything right preparing for an animal to give birth, but the mama might still die. The planting season may go great, and you might quietly think that this is the year for a bumper crop, but in August a hail storm comes along and wipes out all of your

  A few weeks ago, I posed a question to my readers asking what I should write about. I got some really good answers! This is my first "request" post. If I could write a letter to my 16 year old self, what would I say? What have the past 5 years taught me; how has my life been different than I expected? Although my maturity level has always been higher than my respective age, I still went through many of the same experiences of a typical high schooler. Puberty doesn't discriminate, after all, nor does drama.   Dear 16 year old me,   I know how alone you are feeling right now, how it feels like there is no guy who will ever want to marry you. How you think your acne will never clear up or that you will never be able to tame the frizz and curls on your head. A school this size leaves slim pickings for true, lifelong friends who want to share their hearts with you, and trust them with yours. All the hours of making awesome music in the band and choir rooms will come to a

  I've had many people ask me what they can do or how they should approach me and this topic. I really appreciate that, because reaching out shows love. **A little disclaimer: every person is different, so my pointers may not be applicable to every person at every time. User discretion is advised.** I've compiled a list of some do's and don't's, but it's by no means the most thorough list. It has been organized to where each set of do's and don't's are complements of each other. However, the best thing to do for someone struggling with infertility is to just ask them how to approach things. Do ...inform them of your pregnancy one on one and invite them to your celebrations. Text or phone call is probably best when breaking the news, if you're able. Infertile couples still love you and your baby! They want to celebrate with you. Don't ...complain about your pregnancy symptoms to them. It's like getting punched in the gut. Do ...share

  We have just begun National Infertility Awareness Week, and I thought I'd start it off with telling our story. I've written about our journey within other posts, but this time I'm going to dedicate an entire piece to it. Infertility definitely has the hush factor surrounding it, and it's important to me to break the stigma and to help foster a dialogue. We aren't looking for pity or anything like that; we just want people to be aware that this cross is very real to more couples than you realize.   When Jordan and I got married in December of 2017, we told ourselves that we were going to try to avoid conceiving, at least for a little while, till we could get settled into being married. At the same time, though, we would have been overjoyed at being gifted a child. That's what we told ourselves, anyway. If you look at what our intimacy timing actually was though, we were definitely not trying to avoid getting pregnant. So every month, I was keenly aware that m

  That's what I always explain to people when discussing cycle charting. It's more than just trying to avoid or achieve a pregnancy. It's way more than that, and to sell it short is a disservice to women.   What is charting, exactly? Basically, it's a way of keeping track of your menstrual cycle by noticing the signs your body gives you throughout your cycle. It's quite amazing how God created our bodies to keep us in the know; if only we listened to it more. I think most women subconsciously notice changes that happen to their bodies as it moves through each month, but don't actually file it away to look back on. I mean, let's be real here, sex ed and the puberty talk in school never discussed that sort of thing. All we heard is "you're gonna bleed for a week straight" and "your body is going to be changing." Nobody talks about what happens after puberty is over, when these kids grow up. It's no wonder why so many people are co

  I've written before how patience is something I would really like more of. Something I'm still working on. Someone once said that God answers us in one of three ways: "yes", "no", or "I have something better"....the last one is code for "just wait." It seems like I get that answer from Him quite often.   It's really frustrating when we don't get the answer we want, and especially when it isn't immediately following our request. This doesn't just pertain to prayer, either. It might be waiting for test results or waiting to hear back on the offer you put in for a house. You may also be waiting for the right person to come along to marry or maybe you're like me and are waiting to become a parent.   Life is full of waiting.   It's inevitable, really. So what do we do when we're faced with a time of waiting? Well, there are two options: you can focus on the wait and stress about it, or you can choose t

  This morning, I was thinking about one of the Gospel readings this week that talked about separating sheep from goats because of what they did for others during their life. Today's first reading discusses how our eternal destination is not determined by whether or not the good we've done outweighs the bad. It's a matter of if you turn away from evil and seek good. It's determined on if you follow Jesus with both your words and your works, or if you turn away from those things. Jesus saved us, and by His Grace the doors of Heaven are opened to us, but we make the choice of if we get to walk through the pearly gates. Luckily, the Lord basically spells out what we need to do. One of the resources He gives us are the Corporal Works of Mercy.   All of the Corporal Works of Mercy have to do with the body. Most of them are pretty straightforward, but there are unique ways to do all of them. I'll go through each of the 7 individually, and how it applies to us today:

  It's crazy that Ash Wednesday is tomorrow already! Lent is one of my favorite parts of the Liturgical Year, and I think it's because it leads to the greatest season of all...Easter!! Besides that, though, it gives us a reason to restart. It's a time dedicated to drawing near to Christ and His Passion and Death. It's a time to do our best to give ourselves back to Him, for all He has done for us. The Church sets Lent aside to work specifically on prayer , fasting , and giving alms .   I've never been good at New Year's resolutions, because in my mind a new year technically starts every day. Lent, on the other hand, is a short season with a tangible finish. We know the ending to the story. Jesus died for us, and he went on to beat death! But for now, we must wait and prepare ourselves. I've always kind of looked at Lent as a time to better myself and my relationship with Christ, rather than just moping about because I gave up warm showers or something. It&

  It's been two weeks since my hash-out with God. Two weeks. The stark contrast in my life is absolutely incredible. Sure, I still struggle with things, but it's way more manageable now. My mom even said that I visibly look different; it's like I'm glowing. A recharge in faith has that effect on a person.   I know that if you've never experienced a Saul to Paul moment, it may be difficult to comprehend what I mean by all of this talk about being changed. So....I have an analogy! We serve a God who also wants to be our best friend. Now, this concept has always been a little difficult for me to grasp because God is not quantifiable the way humans are. But I keep on trying at this relationship, anyway.  Everyone has had a miscommunication at some point with somebody you love, whether it's your best friend, spouse, coworker, child, or sibling. I know I have. It's such a crummy feeling. Like you want to say something but don't know what to say or how to say

  I have this problem with modern feminism. Well, specifically secular, modern feminism. It has such a narrow view of life, and it's actually a very selfish view. Let me back up a bit by saying that I consider myself to have feminist viewpoints in that  I believe women are all valuable and unique and should be treated with respect at all times. I am not in favor of the potty mouth, man shaming, vagina hat wearing, gender nonconforming movement that masquerades as feminism.   Before you stop reading because you're upset at me, ask yourself something. Look into your heart for a moment. Allow yourself to be brought back to the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to you. Remember how you felt? See how you've carried those scars all this time?   Would you want to inflict that sort of pain on anyone else?   Any sane person would of course never want to do that to someone else after walking though it themselves, whatever the experience was. Unless you're a maso

  I was just taking a shower, and it felt like a lightening bolt hit me. God hit me that hard. If you read my previous piece, you'll know that I recently had a personal encounter with Him. Since then, I've felt something different in my life. Something has been brewing. A thought. A realization. An awakening. And I finally got it!!!   I've been looking at my vocation wrong.   For my entire life, I've only ever wanted to be a wife and a mother. To me, those things were inseparable. I think that's why I've been taking this infertility thing so hard. I have been feeling like such a failure as a woman and as a wife. I felt like the cars my dad works on that keep coming back with one more thing wrong with them. Since Wednesday, though, I have been looking at circumstances in a different light. This week is National Marriage Week. It ends on St. Valentine's Day. These things got my gears turning...what if God has been trying to tell me that marriage isn't

  This is probably going to be my most vulnerable piece yet, so hang on to your hats....   I'm really good at acting like I have it all together. When people ask me how life is going, I almost never say how I'm actually feeling. Usually, I say life is crazy but it's all good, when in reality I'm a complete disaster. I actually started going to counseling because I just couldn't handle the weight of everything anymore. Nearly every day I contemplate running away....Jordan usually has to get me out of bed in the mornings because I don't have the drive to do it myself....I don't always eat or bathe or even get up to go to the bathroom when I should because I feel so sad and alone and dead. My heart has been so restless. I don't want to be home or at work or anywhere else. I can't read anymore. I can barely sit through a movie. I don't remember how it feels to be my normal self.   The past couple days have really brought things to a head. We got

  I could probably write a book about the attacks on gender, toxic masculinity, #MeToo, and all that, but right now I'm just gonna scratch the surface. Gillette came out with a commercial, if you call it that, about how men need to rise up and hold each other accountable. Overall I was actually kind of impressed with it, but there were a couple things that they could have left out to make it less political. It isn't a novel idea that we are our brother's keepers. There's been a huge blowup about this commercial, and it's based more on the politics than the actual message.   The shameless #MeToo plug and "toxic masculinity" reference took the ad from being a neutral PSA to pushing an agenda, and that is a problem. I have been a victim of sexual assault and abuse, but I refuse to align myself with these movements because individuals do not define the quality of a whole. There are bad men out there, but there are also bad women. I personally know men who ha

  If challenging situations do anything for me, they give me writing material. Per my last post, my Grandpa passed away recently, and today we buried him. The past 10 hours or so have been exhausting, tear-soaked, and painful. The funeral and burial were beautiful and fitting. If you have ever experienced a military funeral, you'll know what I mean when I say it was very powerful and moving. I am honored to be descended from a man who served our country for decades. Anyway, this post isn't really about today so much as what today's celebration (yes, I will call it that) points to.   Life doesn't stop. We always say how quickly life moves, whether it's in reference to an anniversary, a graduation, or a birthday. Our time on Earth is full of milestones and moments, things to celebrate and times to reflect on. The Catholic Faith is all about celebrating; if we can party, we will party. As difficult and painful as funerals are, I always find peace in them because a